


You say 'weird' like it's a bad thing

by InspiredPet



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, I have no idea how to tag, Psychology, Romance, Smut, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-20 16:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21284852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InspiredPet/pseuds/InspiredPet
Summary: What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner who wants nothing more than just to be noticed and find a place he belongs to, and a lonely rebellious trouble-maker with similar mental illness who just wants to find a safe home and be happy with her life?(seriously i have no idea what you get)(We'll see as we go i guess)
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/Reader, Arthur Fleck/You, Joker/Reader, Joker/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had like a veeeeeery big fat break from my last fanfiction, so i feel like i'm out of practice. I hope i'm wrong, cause i feel really inspired right now. ^^  
Here's a story, a bit Au in details, but i like to keep my stories very closed to the original, so there will be spoilers (duh).  
Hope we'll get some romance between them two.  
Hope you like it!  
Don't forget to tell me what you think. :)

Gotham was anything but pretty.

Dirty streets full of trashes, devastated infrastructure, walls full of ugly graffiti, empty abandoned stores, homeless people, broken windows, dangerous alleys, angry, desperate citizens....

Who on Earth, with a stable healthy mind and an ounce of common sense , would want to live here? And even better, who would want to **move to** a place, where everybody wants to leave (some by going to different cities, some by a noose or a gun)?

But as terrible as this city looked like, it was also a perfect place to get lost in when you don't want to be found. And for certain, you didn't want to be found.

You closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath trying to pretend you're on a beautiful beach, smelling the scent of an ocean with your foot buried deep in wet sand, and not in a shabby smelling like piss hallway waiting for a barely working elevator. Unfortunately the stink of an old building and not a smell of the ocean got through your nose and stuck in your throat forcing you to cough and for a moment you had a hard time on your gag reflex.

"For fuck's sake."

You cursed as you walked into the elevator. Even your vivid imagination couldn't do its magic trick in place like this. On the other hand you did the right thing - you'd changed your name, found a place where you could stay low, even found a job so you could pay bills, and you'd coloured your hair so no one could recognize you. Well the thing with your hair was more of a whim, heat of the moment, and had nothing to do with disguising, otherwise you wouldn't have dyed your hair in such an eye-catching colour, but hey, woman needs to treat herself from time to time.

And you had been feeling so _blue_ lately...

You needed a hair that matches your mood.

You pushed a button to your floor and the elevator door was starting slowly closing when you saw a man in the hallway rushing towards you. For a moment you considered violently pushing the close button while watching him through, the keeps getting thinner and thinner, crack, but you put your foot between the door instead, holding the elevator for him. He walked in, thanked you and placed himself against the opposite wall. You ignored him, fixed your stare and went back off into your head again, trying to think of a way to find a prove whether or not the bad guys were really looking for you, without putting yourself at risk to be seen and caught if they were in fact looking for you, and how much of your thoughts were fueled by your paranoia.

"Is there something wrong with my shoes?"

A soft, low voice pulled you back on Earth and you squinted your eyes a little as the vision became clearier, unsure if you'd heard right. But then you realized you'd fixed your stare on the man's shoes and he probably thought you were judging his sense of style. You looked up to see his face and a voice in your head screamed immediately:

_Wow, look at these eyebrows!_

But your clever mouth said:

"Wow."

The eyebrows slightly went up and the man looked at you confused, so you licked your lips and corrected yourself.

"I mean no, there's nothing wrong, i was just..."

Machinery stopped at your floor and you paused as the whole elevator trembled with a squeak.

"...dissociating myself."

You ended with a shrug before you could bite your tongue. You remember people telling you not to speak so open to strangers about your mental illness and its symptoms or else they would think you're a freak, but of course you couldn't help yourself.

You could see his lips partly opened as his eyes shyly studing your face, maybe looking for a clue if you were joking or not, but you couldn't give him a chance to ask you more questions. You always avoided small talks. And you had one foolproof method to do that.

"Sorry..."

You whispered half apologetic for staring at his shoes and half to excuse your way out as the door opened. You quickly moved towards your flat and you heard the man leaving the elevator as well. You could feel his eyes on you as his steps suddenly went silent. You scanned his appearance in your head as you'd remembered him for this brief moment when your mind had been actully in here and now, not dissociating, and he didn't look like a bad guy at all. Quite the opposite, he looked friendly and amiable if anything. Had you seen him before? Apparently he lived at the same floor and you moved in 2 months ago. But you mostly worked night shifts, so maybe you'd missed him somehow.

As you reached your door, you decided to turn around to catch him staring, but he was already walking away, down the hall. You noticed that his clothes, a yellow hoodie and blue jeans were at least one size too large or he must had been too skinny. His head was low, and his pace was slow, he barely lifted his foot off the floor. You wondered if he had a really bad day and did he interpret your behaviour as rude. You didn't mean to be rude of course, you just never knew how to interact with people in a proper way. It sucked cause you'd just screwed up another occasion to make friends with someone that looked approchable.

Not that you felt lonely and in need for companion, no, you had your cat. It was just that thing that you often felt so isolated from everyone, so terrible disconnected, with no one to really talked to except the cat and ... Oh fuck it, yes, you felt lonely.

You walked into your flat and closed the door behind you. Mr Rumble ran to you with his tail up and rubbed against your leg.

"Hey, Rumble, I know what you want from Mommy."

You said in a little bit cooing tone as you leaned down to pet his white furr before you put your bag down on a couch and walked right to the kitchen, opened the fridge to get some food for your cat. As for yourself you weren't really hungry. You were exhausted after work. You only dreamt of taking off your make-up, put on some cozy pajamas and go to long dreamless sleep. So as Mr Rumble was eating his breakfast, you headed to the bathroom to wash away your night job and maybe forget about your worries.

_Ha, you wish! _

You cleaned your face and started to wash your teeth. As you were looking blankly at your reflection in a mirror, your mind decided to send you ideas and pictures that you rather not to think about right now, but you were too tired to stop them from flowing into your head. Some of them were neutral like grocery list for tomorrow, some were bad like reminder of where you lived at the moment, some were worse like all of your past mistakes and some were truly the worst like perspective of being killed by bad guys.

You spit the water out and went under the shower. You were hoping that hot water would ease your muscles so you could fall asleep real fast, but with those pictures in your head you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

"Start thinking about something nice instead you stupid brain."

You tried to motivate your mind as you closed your eyes and tried to think about something more easy on the eyes, something pleasant and positive, some good and reachable distraction, like...

Your hand slipped from your shoulder down to your breast and slowly lower between your thighs. Never too tired for that.

You already knew what kind of thoughts you wanted to see, so you kept your mind on things that could easily turn you on and you worked eagerly on yourself to keep them in your mind. You smiled as you started to relax. The shower was steamy from the heat and water deafened your small moans. After a while you let your mind wandering through different kind of sex scenery, discovering bodies and faces. As you were reaching your climax your mind in an attempt to catch something real to hold on to, gave you a face that you already knew, the face that you saw lastly.

"Fuck"

It wasn't exactly what you wanted, but you were too close to finish to stop there and by trying to replace that face with some other you'd be risking to lose your climax. So his face was floating before your eyes like a ghost and you couldn't help but smile to that. Finally you came as you leaned your back against the wall gasping satisfied and you reached out your hand to turn off the shower. Damn. You didn't even knew his name, and you doubted he was even in your type, but damn, those black thick brows. _Damn._

After a moment or so your cat was seeing you leaving the bathroom and heading quickly to your bedroom. You covered your windows to darken the room and climbed a bed, resting your head on a pillow. You were more than ready to fall asleep. Your ears for a moment caught some noises but you ignored them. After a while however the noises got louder and you reluctantly opened your eyes glaring at the ceiling above you. The noises were coming from upstairs and from what you could tell, some of your neighbors were loudly and furiously disappointed with each other. You turned your head aside, grabbed another pillow and put it on your head, hoping it would suppressed the noises, but it wasn't working at all. You could still hear them through the pillow and you knew you just had to wait until they sort it out or maybe kill each other, whatever it takes to make them stop.

But they didn't stop for another **hour**. They even took it a bit further, from screaming at each other to throwing things at each other. And you couldn't count on police to come and calm them down.

You looked at the clock, it was 10 a.m. You helplessly threw the pillow to the other side of the room.

Gotham was anything but pretty. And you were pretty fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some wine situation over here. Please, don't call the cups. ;)

You rubbed your sleepy eyes as you lazily streatched your whole body, while Mr Rumble, as if he had waited till you woke up, hopped onto your bed and greeted you with a loud purring. You glanced at the clock and saw that you'd slept only 4 hours, and it was even worse than not sleeping at all, for you didn't feel rested at all, only hazy and confused. You knew your trouble with sleeping was caused by two things: first, you'd stopped taking your sleeping pills and second, you worked on night shifts and slept at day. Your circadian rhythm was out of tune and you could only blame yourself for that.

You scratched the cat behind his ear and left him lying on your pillow as you rolled off of your bed and went to your bathroom, where your medicines were. You were running out of them so you'd decided to take only some of the pills when you really needed to. You couldn't go and see a doctor under your real name and you doubted that you could fool them with your fake one.

You put on some make-up, cause you couldn't stand your face looking like a Reaper after a very hardcore party in the ninth cirle of hell, and you thought that a little walk would help you properly wake up. Maybe you'd go to a store buy some snacks and then watch a movie with Rumble. It's your day off, you could at least try to relax. Wearing your casual badass clothes - black jeans, lita boots, grey hoodie and a leather jacket, with your stylish big cat-like sunglasses on, and your blue hair hidden under a hood, you were ready to go out.

On your way to the store no one was trying to approach you and talk to you, which made you feel both relieved and a bit disappointed. You didn't get much chances to talk with people and you felt like your speech engine was getting rusty. In the store however you could feel cashier's eyes constantly on you, like he was watching you very carefully for some reason. You came here to actually **buy** some snacks for a change and being under the watchful eye of him made you frowned in annoyance. You hid your sunglasses into your pocket and took some sweets and peanuts for your night movie marathon and a can for your cat, and you suddenly stopped in a blind spot for a couple of seconds when a chocolate bar fell down on a floor and you leaned down to pick it up. Just as you heard the man fidgeting behind his counter trying to see what you were doing, you walked out in plain sight and smiled at him, waving the chocolate bar at him . It didn't change his attitude however. You didn't steal anything, but of course he thought you did and he probably was waiting till you steal some more so he could call the police.

_Oh, fuck him._

For some time you were roaming between store shelves, teasing the man, whose eyes were quickly flitting from you to a convex mirror mounted to a wall, until you got bored of this. Your eyes were shifting from one thing to another as you were wondering what else to buy. What else you could **afford** to buy. You eyes stopped at bottles of wine and you remembered how well wine always put you to sleep. You bit your lower lip and came closer. Too expensive for you. You looked at the cashier. He sent you a warning look and his lips silently informed you that he already knew you're a thief. You sighed and looked away. A bell above the door rang as another customer came in, a young girl that walked directly to the counter asking for something. You looked back at the bottles and you took one of them. Staring at the red liquid inside, the voice in your head said:

_He already thinks you're a thief._

You pulled your eyebrows together and held the bottle near to your chest.

_In his eyes you're already a thief._

You glanced at the cashier that was busy serving the girl, and then you looked at the opened door.

_Run!_

You held your breath and started walking towards the cash register preparing to explain that you didn't actually steal anything. But as you were in half way, closer to the opened door, than to that man, that damn chocolate bar fell again from the pyramide of food you were holding, and the cashier looked at you in the same way as previously, and before you even realized it, your legs were quickly carrying you towards the exit.

"Hey! Thief!"

You started running as fast as you could, dropping almost everything you'd been holding. Except for the canned cat food and the bottle of wine you were holding on so dear. You kept your eyes on what was in front of you searching the best way to escape and you saw a familiar yellow jacket wrapped around your neighbor that you'd met earlier that day. He recognized you and his eyebrows once again went up as his eyes moved from you to the man behind you.

"I know how you look like!"

Your neighbor glanced back at you and you didn't know what to say, so you breathed out:

"You saw nothing."

Cause that's what they say in movies and movies are life.

You passed him by as you turned to the nearest alley and ran for some time before you stopped and looked behind you. No one was running after you, the street was empty, so you leaned your back against the wall and closed you eyes, panting heavily. This wasn't what you'd expected. You were supposed to buy snacks and go home. Instead you'd just stolen a few things and for satan's sake, your neighbor had seen that. Apparently your impulsive urges were very hard to resist and it was absurd how unlucky and lucky at the same time you were. You got your wine and you'd gotten away with it, though you were afraid that your neighbor might have ratted you out, so now you weren't sure if you were safe or not.

Your breath began to slow down and you slowly opened your eyes. You looked up and you noticed a big advertisement hanging on a building across the street. A simple photo of a glass being filled with red wine from a bottle. Little stars were added to the black background and fancy golden letters captured your attention: **Savour the day.** The corners of your mouth slightly went up before you bursted into laughter.

Soon you were rectreating the image of the advertisement as you were sitting on a couch after you'd done watching a movie, and poured yourself a glass of red wine. Mr Rumble sat beside you keeping you company. You wondered if your neighbor had said something about you to the cashier. He didn't know your name, but still he could have given him your home address and that would have caused you trouble. You watched as the end credits were running up the screen and you took a sip of your alcohol. The only way to find out was to talk to him, explain maybe how things were, though you didn't know how you could possibly explain that you hadn't meant to steal anything. You'd been just running away from a difficult situation out of habit as always.

You finished your glass, stood up from the couch and decided to pay him a visit anyway. Mr Rumble meowed at you as if telling you that it wasn't a good idea, but you'd already made up your mind. You left your flat and went to the last door on the hallway. You hesitated for a moment with your fist in the air, listening to any sound that might be coming from behind the closed door, but it was quiet, so he probably wasn't home. You gently knocked to make sure and waited for a response. After a while you heard some shuffling inside. The door slightly opened and you saw your neighbor standing in the doorway, his hair was wet and slid back, and he was wearing probably his pajamas. He must have just gotten out of the shower then. He rested one hand against the door and a look of surprise on his face quickly turned into a shy smile.

"Hey." You said and he responded with a soft voice:

"Hey."

"I'm here to..." You began unsure of how to form a question. You guessed that perhaps it would be better if you just went straight to the point. You'd already disturbed his shower time and he probably suspected why you'd knocked at his door. "I wanted to know if you... talked to anyone about it. I mean the wine situation."

_The wine situation._

"Cause it was a simple misunderstanding."

_Sure it was._

The man's lips slowly parted and you wondered whether or not he believed you and would it matter anyway.

"What wine situation? I saw nothing." His voice was still soft and shy, though a bit playful. He slightly knitted his eyebrows and shook his head pretending that he had no idea what you were talking about.

"Right..." You smirked at him, relieved that he'd decided not to say a thing. You'd thought that he wouldn't have, cause he looked like a guy that rather prefer to stay away from any trouble. "Cause otherwise I would have to kill you." You added as a joke, even though your face remained straight and serious. You were curious how he'd react. Most people didn't get your jokes anyway, but some rare individuals did and those where your people.

He didn't react for a moment and just as you was about to say that you'd been joking, he did something you didn't expect he would. He folded two fingers and with his thumb up he joined his index finger with the middle one, pointing them at his head and with this made up gun he shot himself. His head fell aside and he made a funny dead face that amused you. You began giggling and he got back to life by straightening his head and smiling at you.

"Exactly." You said between giggles as you made your own gun and fired at him. He put a hand on his chest and leaned back pretending to be shot.

Having a chance to look at his face again with more awareness this time, your eyes wandered to his eyebrows and eyes, and then the rest of his face. You couldn't really tell if he was handsome or not. Did he even care about it? Thick black eyebrows combined with his deep green eyes gave him almost a ferocious look, but there was something in his whole appearance and the way that he behaved that showed the sensitive and tender nature of his. He looked like he'd been through a lot in life, but somehow still hadn't lost his kindness and sensitivity.

"I'm Annabelle by the way."

"Arthur."

"Nice to meet you, Arthur."

He smiled and instead of just saying it back, he firstly repeated your name in a soft whisper like he was maybe trying to remember it, though, and you didn't know why, it seemed more like he was trying out how your name would sound on his lips. It was weird, but you liked it. Almost made you regret that you'd used your fake name.

"Annabelle... I like it. It's nice to meet you too."

"Thank you."

_It's fake._

Hesitating a bit you reached out your hand to him. He took it in his and shook it gently. His eyebrows knitted together as he glanced down at your hand still held by his.

"Your hand is cold." He noticed and you curled up your mouth just for a second before you replied:

"It's because I'm dead inside."

You faked a serious tone and as you'd expected, he let out a chuckle. You started to like him. He definitely had the same twisted and dark sense of humour as you. You both pulled back your hands.

"Yours isn't so warm either."

"It's because you killed me, remember?"

"Ah, right."

More chuckling and you almost started forgetting why you'd even knocked on his door.

"You know..." He began as his eyes suddenly dropped down to the floor, he shifted his weight from one leg to another, and it looked like he was trying to hide his shyness behind a cool and calm voice, but you could hear him struggling with finding the right words. "Your answer was really good and I'm... I'm a comedian...well I'm still working on my material but I'm gonna be performing soon and... " He quickly glanced up at you. "Would you mind if I write it down in my Joke book?"

So your neighbor was a comedian? Ok, that was interesting.

"You have your own book of jokes? Nice." You nodded. "Yeah, if you find it **that** funny, you can write it down. I don't mind."

"Cool." He smiled at you with a little shrug like it wasn't a big deal for him to use your sentence.

"But on one condition." You added.

"Yeah?"

"If you're gonna use it on a stage, I want to be there to hear it."

His eyes went wide and he quickly nodded his head.

"Yeah, sure, I'll tell you when."

"Ok." You sent him a little smile and shifted your body. "I gotta go. I guess, I'll see you around then?"

He smiled and said goodbye to you, and you left him at the doorway as you went back to your flat.

Mr. Rumble hopped onto your lap as soon as you sat down on your coach with the glass of wine back in your hand, and you pet him gently.

"He didn't say a thing about me, see? And he even likes my sense of humour."

Your hand rested on Rumble's head as you use your thumb to caress a spot behind his ear.

"Maybe there are some good guys left in this world after all?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments, I'm really glad that my protagonist is someone you can relate to. :)

"Coulda fffucked her, you know? Realllly harrrd."

"But you've been too wasted, man, right? Couldn't even find her hole."

"Fuck off!"

You placed your thumb and index finger to the bridge of your nose, squeezed it gently as you tried to focus on your book, but those two drunk men were making it really hard for you. They both were standing next to you and you glared at their party clothes - wrinkled shirts, old-school jackets, looking expensive watches (but really they were just cheap imitations as far as you could tell), untied shoes and dirty trousers. Their elegant look was superficial, all just to get to ladies pants. And they smelled like a vomit mixed with too much cheap cologne.

"You'll see, I'll get my way with her, maybe not today, but..."

"Pass her to me, i want to try her on my dick too." With those words the man spread his hands on each side of his hips and thrusted his hips forward.

  
_Pigs._

  
You closed your book and looked around, trying to find a new distraction. The men moved a bit away from you, though they were talking way too loudly to efficiently ignore them. You were three stops before your station and you wanted to occupy your brain with something less annoying, so it wouldn't get off the track and perturb you with unwanted images. You didn't want for the anxiety to kick in.

There weren't many people in a subway to look at. Except for those two, there was a young woman with her child, some teenegers and two other men sitting at the end of the compartment and reading newspapers. Your head turned to the left and you gazed at the door, squinting your eyes as you thought you saw something yellow flashing for a moment behind the glass.

_No way._

You waited for it to show up again, cause you weren't sure whether you'd seen it for real or not, but you could have sworn that that yellow thing looked very familiar and you would be damned if it wasn't what you thought it was.

Almost a minute passed by while you kept your eyes on the door waiting patiently, as the yellow hoodie appeared to you one more time. And when you saw it again, your eyes shifted up quickly to catch Arthur's confused gaze on his getting redish face, before he promptly hid again after he realized he'd been caught by you. You couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle.

What was he doing here? And why on Earth was he hiding from you? Was he too embarrassed to come over, say hi? And if he didn't want to bother you, why was he watching you, hidden nearby?

You kept the smile on your face as you leaned forward to the edge of your sit, elbows on your knees, and you stretched your head just to see Arthur still standing there, fixed to the spot, with his back against the wall. It took him a moment to look at you and you waved your hand, gesturing him to come closer.

_Gosh, what is he so afraid of?_

He hesitated, but eventually walked over and took a sit in front of you. He smiled at you with a sorry look on his face and almost whispered his apology to you. Resting his hands on his laps, he looked like a pupil summoned to the principal's office for accidentally doing something stupid.

You were about to ask him why the hell hadn't he come over instead of hiding from you, when you were almost hit on the shoulder with a bagpack. You flinched for a second. The only thing that prevented you from being actually hit was a metal pipe. God, those drunk guys apparently couldn't fucking stand in one place, could they? They were all over the place, pushing each other, cursing and talking way too loudly about things no one wanted to listen to. The one with the bagpack on his back, that almost had hit you with it, didn't even notice your presence. He remained to stay, or mostly **sway**, exactly where his companion had pushed him, leaning back against the metal pipe. His bagpack was one of those with an elastic drawstring in front of the bag.

An idea came to your mind.

You glanced at Arthur and put an index finger up to your lips, before you grabbed two ends of the drawstring and carefully, so the guy wouldn't feel anything, tied them up tightly around the pipe. You could hear Arthur softly giggling on his side and you put the book inside your bag and stood up, gesturing him to do the same. You two moved quickly near to the door and watched the men stealthily, just like Arthur had been watching you earlier.

It wasn't too long before the tube stopped at another station and those two moved to leave. The one got on the platform without any problem, but the one with the bagpack wasn't that lucky. He pushed himself off the pipe, but didn't manage to take even one step. The drawstring pulled him back immediately and he bounced off the pipe with his hands thrown in the air as he totally lost his balance and ended up on his knees, half hanging from the pipe.

Both you and Arthur couldn't help but bursted into laughter, which drew the attention of the drunk guy.

"What the fffu..." He looked over his shoulder, but didn't saw anyone, for you two had already left the tube. Moving upstairs, still giggling over this, you got somewhere away from other people and finally were able to talk.

You looked at each other and you were the first speaking up.

"That was fun."

"Yeah. It was. He got what he deserves."

You nodded and a spark of curiosity ignited in your eyes.

"So... Where are you going?" You were trying to discern the reason what Arthur had exactly been doing in the same subway as you. You knew you'd got off at the wrong station, but you could go the rest of the way on foot to your work. What about him?

"Ermm, I was just... I..." He ran his hand through his messy hair and looked around abashed like he'd forgotten an answer along the way. Or maybe... He was looking for an answer? You glanced at him, suspicious about the way he was acting. He focused his stare on the ground and wriggled his foot in a nervous manner. Not like a pupil accidentally doing something stupid. No, more like someone who had done something on purpose even though he knew it was wrong.

"You've been following me, is that right?" Your voice was low and you didn't mean to sound too harsh, but what the hell was he thinking? Being too shy to say hi is one thing, but stalking someone?

"Yeah?" He glanced up at you from under his eyebrows and god, if that wasn't one of Mr Rumble sorry-please-don't-be-angry look that always made your heart soft. Shit.

You sighed and asked:

"Why?"

"I don't know." He shrugged, eyes again on the floor. "I guess I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to bother you, so I've just kind of... followed you to see where you go."

You stayed silent for a moment. His behaviour was strange, but his answer seemed... logical? Or at least honest. It's not what normal people do, you guessed, but it was sweet in a way. Arthur didn't look like a person with bad intentions, he just probably liked you and didn't know how to approach you.

You laughed.

"Fine, I'm not mad at you, but please don't stalk me. If you wanna talk, just ask me out."

Oh, bless the look of confusion on his face, it was priceless.

"Ask you out?" His voice was low, a little shaky, he was almost speaking in a whisper to you. "Would you... Would you say yes?"

"If you ask nicely." You smiled at him, trying to keep it lightly. There was no need to make a big deal out of it, hopefully Arthur wouldn't. You meant only hanging out with him at one evening and one evening didn't have to mean anything. 

"Oh... Sure. Would you like to go out with me sometime?"

"Yeah, Thursday's evening sounds good to me."

He nodded and smiled back at you. He probably thought he won the lottery, but you wouldn't take it too seriously. You just wanted to talk with someone outside your workplace and you'd said yes partly out of boredom and mostly because you could sense some weird vibes about him, but you couldn't tell yet whether it was a **good weird** or a **bad weird**. You had to check this out later.

"I have to go, I don't wanna be late for work."

"'Right, see you on Thursday then."

"Bye."

* * *

You walked part of the way before you turned your head and looked back. Just in case Arthur decided to follow you further. But he was gone already, vanished into the crowd and you sighed with relief. You wouldn't want him to know where you work. That would have scared him off probably. Especially if he saw you in full make up and your sexy outfit. That was best only for making grown men tounge-tied and with him you wanted it the other way around - to loosen his tongue, make him comfortable around you, not intimidated by your alter ego. You had enough **fans** at your workplace, you didn't need another man being fooled by who you pretended to be. Because your alter ego had nothing to do with your true self. Or at least you said so. 

_Do you even remember your true self Y/N?_

Oh, shut up.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wipe off that smile on your face. Its not funny. That's my favourite cup that you've almost broken. " You glared at Mr Rumble that was sitting in front of you, the end of his tail slowly waving side to side as he gave you a quick unbothered look before he came back to licking his paw.

  
"Seriously you have to stop pushing down things."

  
No reaction. Cats are jerks.  
You turned the cup around to see if any damage had been made, but luckily there was only a small scratch on a letter C in Crazy. Other than that the whole Crazy Cat Lady cup was almost untouched. You put it back on a higher shelf and got back to your bedroom.

  
Your boss finally agreed for you to take a full charge of girls' performances and you were thrilled. In a good way of course. Actually you felt ecstatic. It was your chance to make something big and memorable out of it. You hadn't expected your boss to let you change the whole spectacle all in once, but you knew that with small steps you could eventually make it in your way. It had taken you three months to gain his trust, but you made it.  
You were sitting on a bed, reading your own ideas and notes. It all looked very good to you though it wasn't the perfect performance you were aiming for. But it was something better at least. You still needed the girls approval, but they knew you were doing it for them and together you could transform it into something more artistic and less pornographic. And maybe, just maybe, the girls would start getting more respect for their hard work. You almost had finished describing the last part of the show when you started to think of the most realistic date that you could introduce the new version of the show. Today was Thursday so definitely not this weekend, and probably not the next.

  
Thursday.

  
You suddenly got a feeling like you'd planed something for that day. What the hell was it?  
Mr Rumble joined you on the bed as he brought a toy in his mouth - a small mouse with pinky ears and tail.

  
"Right, Arthur! I told him I'd be free today." You threw your head back and looked up at the ceiling, your mouth open for a moment to let out a dramatic sigh. "Damn it, I've focused so much on this project I almost forget I have a..." You paused and drew your eyebrows together, tilting your head down, your eyes met Rumble's that put the toy beside you.

"...Date, I mean _kind of_ a date. Actually it's not a _date_ date, more like a having-a-drink-with-your-neighbor date that was totally spontaneously offered by me in a moment of being in a good mood."

Mr Rumble purred as he came to you and rubbed onto your shoulder, the tip of his red tail tickled your cheek as he turned around to rub against you with the other side of his small furry body.

"Ok, it's fine, it's not like I don't wanna go... I wanted to go, still want to... It's just, I have more important things to do."

You heard a longer purr of annoyance, the one that Mr Rumble always gave you when he felt like you started finding excuses instead of doing things you'd planned to do.

"On the other hand..."

He glanced up at you, his tail swung both sides in anticipation.

"I've been working on this the whole freaking day, I can use a drink or two in good company. Which is not yours tonight, I'm sorry."

With that apology you leaned down and pressed a small kiss on Rumble's head. It was past 7 already and even though you hadn't agreed to a specific hour, the evening had already started and the sooner you met Arthur, the sooner you could go back to your bed (if the date wasn't running smoothly and interesting, then even sooner). It wasn't as if you weren't excited a bit to meet someone and get a chance to get to know your neighbor. You were just trying not to get your hopes up with this one, so you were going to try very hard to keep it simple and insignificant. As lonely as you could feel sometimes and as funny as this guy seemed, there was rather a slim possibility that this would grow into something deep and serious. No friendship. God, no romance. You'd given up on love long time ago and with the lifestyle you'd been leading and all of the danger you were in, you just couldn't risk to have someone too close to you.

So it would be only a meeting with few drinks, some talks and hopefully laughs, just to relax your bothered mind.

You chose to wear a black jeans and a red t-shirt with long sleeves. The black print on it said: _Normal is boring, be weird_. 

"Excellent."

You took your purse and left your flat, promised your cat you wouldn't be gone for long.

* * *

You were surprised how quickly Arthur got to the door after you'd knocked. Almost as if he'd been standing there waiting for you to knock, which was unlikely of course.

"Hi." He greeted you with a shy smile.

"Hi. Ready to grab a drink?"

"Yes."

He was dressed differently today. Better you could say. Obviously he payed greater attention to his look today. You noticed his white shirt was a little bit creased under a blue sweater, but his hair looked very tidy.

Oh boy, he did take it seriously as a date, didn't he?

"I like what it says on your shirt." He noticed the print, of course he did, you'd expected him to do so, though it took him all the way to the elevator to finally comment on it. By the way, he smelled like cologne. Rather a cheap cologne, but it didn't smell bad.

"Thank you."

"You like it when people are weird, really?"

The tone of surprise in his voice made you chuckled.

"Actually I like it better when they're weird. I find normal as boring and overrated. Also it's all a lie anyway. People wear masks anywhere they go, pretending to be normal to blend in with crowds, too scared to stand out and be their true imperfect crazy selves. And to be honest..." You continued as you both left the building. "I've never fit in to social structures and expectations, and trying to be normal was the worst 10 minutes of my life."

"So you're weird too?"

You turned his head to him.

"You say weird like it's a bad thing."

He glanced at you before he fixed his eyes on a pavement, absorbed in his thoughts. He waited till you crossed a street to speak his thoughts aloud.

"I think it is. People tend to avoid weirdos, they don't want to have anything to do with them... **us**. They rather pretend we don't exist at all or tell us to be like them, force us to be normal."

You bit your lower lip in consternation. That was a heavy topic and maybe it wasn't a good one to start a... whatever this meeting supposed to be, but you'd heard the sadness and pain dripping off his words, he couldn't hide it behind a low voice, and you got it, you knew exactly how he'd felt saying it. He must have been rejected his whole life for some reason, just like you had been, you didn't know why, but in spite of your curiosity you decided you wouldn't ask.

Small talks was a necessary key to keep a safe emotional distance.

You kept the silence hovering above you for a moment as you passed a few blocks and then you noticed an ice-cream parlor, that immediately changed your mind about those drinks.

"What's your favourite flavour?" You asked changing the topic.

He followed your gaze towards the parlor.

"Ummm, strawberry?"

"Safe choice. They always have strawberry. Me, I'm more picky when it comes to ice cream."

You took yourself a mango flavour, while Arthur got his favourite one and you both sat next to a window. Chairs and tables were old fashioned, much like 60's, though they didn't only look old, you realized, they were **that** old. Walls were painted green, but some parts of the painting had peeled off the wall, there were many small cracks on floor tiles, a bleached old Coca-cola poster was hanging behind Arthur, but no other decorations or anything that could make that place more comfy and vintage. You realized this parlor wasn't stylized as retro, it had been in its glory times long time ago. What a shame, the ice creams were still good.

"So... What makes you weird?"

You were never good in small talks.

"M-my condition mostly." His voice was so low you could barely hear him.

You raised your eyebrow.

"And what is it exactly?"

In response to your question he raised his eyes to you and didn't say a word, and you quickly recognize your mistake.

"Sorry, people often tell me that i shouldn't ask about people's mental illness and conditions, that it's too personal, but honestly, that's the most important and interesting part of us - our brains. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. If people were more open about it, then maybe others wouldn't look at us as freaks." You shrugged. "Anyway I'm sorry, I didn't mean any harm, I was just curious."

"It's fine... If you spend more time with me, you'll probably find it out anyway, it's impossible to hide it."

You licked your ice cream and nodded.

"Ok, wanna know why** I am** weird?" You turned the question to yourself, hoping it'd show him, you sympathized with him.

_Open up to others slightly and others will open up to you, isn't that what they say?_

"Because you have a blue hair?"

"No, not really, well maybe a little." You laughed and shook your head a bit, letting your hair fly every which way. "I'm not neurotypical as I like to say. I think differently and I live by my own rules. People notice it very soon and mostly they keep away from me. They can't stand an **alien** living among them."

He looked at you with a sympathetic expression and it was so genuine, so true that you stopped smiling. This man took everything you said so seriously while you in fact were talking in half sarcastic manner. All of this _proud to be weird_ expression was your self-defense, a copy mechanism you'd mastered to perfection to forget how hard it was to be different in this world. No one supposed to know the struggle behind it, no one really could understand that, but he did, you could see it in his eyes. Your shield of sarcasm was invisible to him.

"You should eat your ice cream or else you're gonna drink it from a table." You changed the topic once more and got back to your own dessert. Between licks you had your conversation going. It was hard to get him to talk at first. His shyness held him before talking too much, and he had a reserved nature_, _so you had to choose your questions very carefully and remember to always give something back to him, a small information about yourself (that wouldn't be too important, like your favourite colour or cities you'd visited) or funny stories that you'd heard. He was a good listener, very attentive and really invested in what you were saying. He asked a lot of questions too. Some were very thoughtful while others were just casual or even silly.

"Do you sleep on the right or left side of the bed?"

"On both sides, Arthur, the whole bed is mine."

Soon Arthur told you about his laughter and his nickname that his mother had given to him. Later you were talking about his job as a party clown and his stand-up comedy. Your meeting was running longer than you'd thought it would and you were pleasantly surprised. You'd eaten your ice cream long time ago, but none of you wanted to go just yet.

"Tell me a joke Arthur. I wanna hear it."

He shook his head smiling.

"Come on, I'm your audience tonight. You can practice on me."

He smiled again as he finally gave in and reached out to his pocket, pulling out a notebook, his book of jokes. You'd noticed it back in the hallway, tucked in the pocket of his blue sweater. You knew he had been just waiting for a good moment to use it.

"Alright..." He said turning pages. "Here's one: What does a vampire drink when depressed?"

"I don't know."

"B positive!"

Your lips curled up into a small smile. It was silly, but funny.

"Ok, go on. I like this one, I want another."

He gave you a glance as his cheeks slightly turned pink. He searched for another joke and this one was a bit darker than the previous.

"What are the similarities between an apple and a depressed kid?"

You shook your head.

"They both hang from trees."

Darker, but also funnier.

You laughed out loud and he watched you, his green eyes wandering all over your face, studying your reaction. The smile on his face was a mix of proud and disbelief and you could feel your cheeks also turned pink. The more you thought about the joke, the more you laughed, and the longer you were laughing the longer he was watching you and your cheeks were about to burn up, so you hid your face into your palms to calm yourself down. 

"Literal." You murmured as you tucked your hair behind your ears. "I love it how literal and dark your sense of humour is."

"Really, you love it?"

"Yeah, your jokes are great. Can't wait to hear them from the stage."

There was a moment of silence and you could see Arthur opening his mouth like he was trying to say something, but he he held it back. He put his hand to his throat and for a second you thought that maybe he'd choked on his saliva, but he ducked his head down and all of the sudden he burst into a convulsive laughter. It surprised the hell out of you and you leaned back on your chair in shock, and even though you already knew about his condition, that knowledge hadn't prepared you in any way for how it actually looked like. His laughter was loud enough to draw everyone's attention, you could feel all eyes were on you two, but this could have never bothered you. What bothered you was the way he tried and failed to suppress it every time he covered his mouth and grabbed at his throat, and the sight of him gasping for air and shaking his head was painful to watch.

You didn't know what to do, nor if there was anything that you **could** do, so you just had to wait until it stopped so you could lean forward and ask if he was alright.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry." He couldn't look you in the eye, he even withdrew from you slightly, with his head down low and suddenly he whispered that he had to go. This attack had drained his energy so much, you could see it on his face. And he was so embarrassed that it would be heartless to argue with him about not leaving. So you two stood up from the table, paid for the ice creams and silently left the parlor.

You were giving him a short glances as you were heading back home, but you didn't know what to say. And he also didn't say anything.

And you couldn't stand the silence either so you opened your mouth anyway.

"It looked painful. Is it painful?"

_Not your best, Y/N._

"It is sometimes."

You didn't say anything more, worried that you could say something inappropriate, so you just let your brain replaying the evening until the moment of Arthur's attack and it seemed like a broken record. The music had been going smoothly and entertaining until it had stuck at one moment, like a scratched vinyl record and every notes had been ruined, turning the music into a noise. You couldn't believe how the evening had been abruptly cut down, but it also helped you understand why people could have avoided Arthur.

"We should do that again sometime." You said as you stood before the building's front door. Arthur opened the door for you and walked behind you.

"You want to? Cause I embarrassed you in front of the others, I'll understand if you're saying this out of politeness. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me."

"You didn't embarrass me, Arthur." You pressed the down button before you turned to him. "You really didn't. I was confused for a moment and I wish there was something I could do to help you, but your condition isn't under your control and I understand it. Despite that, it was a very nice and funny evening and I'd like to meet you again."

Arthur quickly replaced an astonished look on his face with the same smile he'd given you when you were laughing at his jokes.

"I-i had a very good time with you, too." He nodded as he followed you inside the elevator.

"Great, I'm glad we're on the same page, so maybe next we--"

"Tomorrow?"

You glanced up at him and met his eyes. In the dimmed light they were dark like forest at night.

"Tomorrow is Murrays' show, we could watch it together."

"Together?"

"Yeah, in my place, or yours... Preferably yours, mine isn't very... I mean I-I didn't mean to sound..." He ducked his head and you turned away yours, biting on your lower lip to keep back a smile. You weren't laughing it was just... You weren't the only one saying inappropriate things and realizing them after you said them. It was good to know you both had the same issue. "I still live with my mother, you know."

The door opened and you threw Arthur a quick glance before you stepped out of the elevator.

"And I still live with my cat. So either way one of us are gonna meet the other's family member."

He smirked at you.

If this was a date you wouldn't agree on tomorrow and if this wasn't a date, you probably still should have said no.

No friendship.

God, no romance.

But 3 hours had gone very fast in his company and there was a strange connection forming between you two, a connection that you hadn't had with someone for a very long time. You'd felt so isolated from everyone, you hadn't even realized it until now. And something was telling you that Arthur felt the same. You'd found a person as weird and awkward as you, in a place you'd never think you found.

* * *

You closed the door and sat on the floor. Mr Rumble came to you, purring out his displeasure about your long absence. It reminded you of the night when you'd first met him.

"I found you by a river, remember? Actually, you found me, meowing so loud I could hear you from the road."

You took him on your lap.

"And I searched for you in tall grass, in totally darkness..."

You scratched his back as he walked a circle on your lap.

"And when I thought I misheard something, you came out and almost hoped into my arms."

You tilted your head and gently petted him.

"And I took you with me, even though I was as homeless as you, cause I just couldn't leave you there, could I?"

A soft purr vibrated in his throat.

"Yes, that's right. We were destined to find each other."


End file.
